An update on my life...

[Mike]

I figured I'd give a tentative update on my life.

Some of you knew, most of you didn't, I have been dating a girl since my Freshman year of college... which would be close to 5 years. For several years we had really begun talking about our future together (and I had been looking at engagement rings for ~6 months), and it seemed like it was moving in the right direction. Well, about a month ago, she broke up with me because she "didn't feel like she was in love with me" anymore... and she's stopped talking to me completely, out of the blue, completely randomly... I've seen her once since she dumped me (which she did over the phone) and I saw her for about .5 seconds at our Alumni weekend events... at some bar as I was leaving. In the last three weeks, she's become a totally different person and it's a completely disheartening, annihilating experience. I could go on about this for pages and pages, but there's no sense in doing so. So that sucks.

Given that, I'm in a big transition in my life. I've been out of college for about a 16 months and I've been working in Higher Education for that time, which has been nice, and getting a masters in business... but I'm tired of the bull shit of Academia and I dislike business... so I'll hope to be going to Boston College next Fall to pursue a Masters, and eventually PhD, in Political Science. With that, I hope to become a Political Science professor and write a number of shitty books that nobody will read. In the meantime, I write regularly for my personal blog, as well as for a local newspaper, and I had a short piece posted on the National Review Online about a month ago.

I hope everybody is doing well.... until we talk again,
Mike / Rebel

[Metallistar]

Women are bitches, forget about them, concentrate on your education (which it looks like you are doing) and make a shit load of money. Then the women will fall all over you.

Good luck on your PhD

[thecreeper]

that's awful about your ex.

i would be heartbroken and pissed if something like that happened (i've been in a relationship for about the last 5 years as well, so i could see how that would feel).

hope your academic pursuits continue, man. best of luck, professionally and personally.

[heX]

Sorry to hear about the ex. I cant grasp that.

I just started school, going for business. I am not sure how much I care for it. I've been thinking about going for political science instead, but I don't know what I would use it for.

How I would see my life playing out if everything went according to plan, married, couple kids, open a business, at about 40 run for mayor of the town I live in, or some other type of political office. Subject my people to my conservative, traditionalist, republican points of view.

[Mike]

As a Conservative, traditionalist Republican..... I can relate

I strongly suggest that you go to school for what you love, it's the one time in your life that you can dedicate entirely to learning... and you should learn about something that interests you pruriently. Honestly, you can get a job as long as you have any bachelors degree, and your pay for an entry level job in business is not going to be any higher for business than it would for something in Liberal Arts. Also, keep in mind that a lot of careers are beginning to prefer those who study in the Liberal Arts because it, generally, produces a more well-rounded person... and there are certain skills that you can only get with a LibArts degree that you need for most high-level positions. Finally, if you want a solid career that pays well and that you're happy doing it, you almost always need to get a higher degree than just the Bachelors, and a bachelors in political science can open a lot of avenues to graduate programs.

I'm a strong supporter of the liberal arts, though... So I'm pretty biased.

As for the Ex... yeah it's shitty. In the last month, I went from being her best friend to being completely dead to her, like *that* ::snaps::...... which is entirely absurd... you wouldn't even think it's possible, given her personality, given how she was... she was always so caring, compassionate, and so on... and then like a light switch flipped, she dumped me out of the blue, and wrote me out of her life. It's shitty, but you can only take it one step at a time.

Creep, as you've had a long term relationship, treat every time you're with her like she could dump you tomorrow. I mean, ... 3 weeks ago, I went to the beach with my (ex)girlfriend, we had a great day and all, but I didn't think for a minute that day would possibly be the last time I'd ever really see her. It's fucked up.

[Liss]

You know, Mike, I hate to say it but...she maybe doing you a little bit of a favor...or maybe trying to anyway. Imagine if you had to see her everyday, to hear about her life and watch her failures and successes and not be able to support or comfort her, to hear about all the going-ons in her life that don't necessarily include you. I imagine she's trying to remove the band aid quickly to ease the pain. Do you know what I mean? I'm sure it's hurting her, too, to put you through it, but after five years she must really care about you and I'm sure she wants the best for you. That just maybe her way of showing it.

Of course I don't know; I am only speculating. Also, I can't imagine being on either side of that situation as I've never been in a relationship for even close to that long, so don't listen to me.

My small update: new apartment (all by my lonesome!), month 10 of long distance relationship and situation getting more difficult by the day, once again in marathon training, though this time without the team (and I don't think I have the willpower to see it through), school, work, "friends" that I have zero in common with, and a general air of homesickness in my California bedroom.

On liberal arts, etc: I can only agree wholeheartedly that the pursuit of what makes you happiest is the way to go. Potential income, comfort, and judgment aside, joy is the most important aspect of a career. And I can say with experience that college is much more user-friendly when you enjoy it. I am a 5th year senior now (I finally get to graduate in March if all goes well). And pursuing a degree in creative writing is the scariest, most brave thing I think I have ever done. I have already suffered so much criticism ("what are you going to do with THAT degree?") from my peers and my poor technology-based father that I have become immune and have finally earned respect...because I am GOOD at what I do. (And for the general population wondering, I plan to write with my writing degree. With any luck I will be enrolled in a creative writing MFA program next fall, which provides me the option of teaching at the college level in between publications.) I've given up the hope of being rich, but I figure that if I get the chance to live my passion, it will be enough.

[GT2000]

Hey Mike, you've always had your head on straight, and turned out to apparently be pretty damn smart..

Sounds like you're coping with it decently, although it's hard to tell through text alone. So sorry to see how things changed so quickly and drastically buddy.

[Mike]

Originally Posted by Liss

You know, Mike, I hate to say it but...she maybe doing you a little bit of a favor...or maybe trying to anyway. Imagine if you had to see her everyday, to hear about her life and watch her failures and successes and not be able to support or comfort her, to hear about all the going-ons in her life that don't necessarily include you. I imagine she's trying to remove the band aid quickly to ease the pain. Do you know what I mean? I'm sure it's hurting her, too, to put you through it, but after five years she must really care about you and I'm sure she wants the best for you. That just maybe her way of showing it.

Of course I don't know; I am only speculating. Also, I can't imagine being on either side of that situation as I've never been in a relationship for even close to that long, so don't listen to me.

Yeah, I think that's her mentality... I think she thinks that if we don't talk for X amount of weeks/months then like we'll somehow be better friends, but I think that's nonsense. If it were like a nasty, screwed up breakup... that may work, but it wasn't, we were both reasonable and it was just a change of directions.

I think she has some rationale in her head that makes this seem like it makes a lot of sense to her, but I think that she's wrong with it. What are you gonna do, y'know?

On liberal arts, etc: I can only agree wholeheartedly that the pursuit of what makes you happiest is the way to go. Potential income, comfort, and judgment aside, joy is the most important aspect of a career. And I can say with experience that college is much more user-friendly when you enjoy it. I am a 5th year senior now (I finally get to graduate in March if all goes well). And pursuing a degree in creative writing is the scariest, most brave thing I think I have ever done. I have already suffered so much criticism ("what are you going to do with THAT degree?") from my peers and my poor technology-based father that I have become immune and have finally earned respect...because I am GOOD at what I do. (And for the general population wondering, I plan to write with my writing degree. With any luck I will be enrolled in a creative writing MFA program next fall, which provides me the option of teaching at the college level in between publications.) I've given up the hope of being rich, but I figure that if I get the chance to live my passion, it will be enough.

That's good. In general, once you graduate and have the BA, it'll open a lot of doors, even if they're not necessarily in creative writing. I got into Higher Ed through tech stuff that I did as an undergrad, but the PoliSci degree has landed me a couple of opportunities to write for newspapers, websites, and some blogs... so you could find yourself in the same place, which definitely isn't a bad thing.

[Mike]

Originally Posted by Donnie

Hey Mike, you've always had your head on straight, and turned out to apparently be pretty damn smart..

Sounds like you're coping with it decently, although it's hard to tell through text alone. So sorry to see how things changed so quickly and drastically buddy.

Yeah, it's going alright. There are definitely some things that really bother me..... I gave up a lot in our relationship, and made a lot of sacrifices and compromises... and didn't demand too much. At one point, about 5 months ago, she told me she wanted to feel needed by me, whcih is reasonable, I kinda deal with my own shit in my own way... and so for the last ~4 months I had tried to make her feel needed. When we broke up, though, one of her reasons for breaking up with me was that she "wasn't used to me needing her..." haha, it was a cruel result.

But, anyway, you can really only laugh about it. There's certain bits of it that are so ridiculous and so absurd, yet so incredibly mundane. It's difficult to get the whole situation without knowing both of us, because we weren't like .... those irritating huggy/kissy people, but we just has a solid, strong relationship throughout college... so when I tell people she dumped me, they're like blown away... with justification, it's a total shift in direction for her.

Honestly though, one reason I'm not that upset by it is that I always had my concerns that it might not be a good idea... I always felt that she wasn't willing to put enough into it, and I never really raised that with her because I was timid to. I had some other concerns that are more personal, and not cut out for public message boards, so in some respects, it was a bit of a relief. The breakup was one thing and wasn't that big a deal for me... just something to deal with... what's happened afterwards, with her ... like wishing me out of her life is much more difficult. It's one thing when your girlfriend dumps you because that can be for any reason, it's another thing when your best friend tries to .. like .. erase you from their life, because you expect something like that to be provoked... and this wasn't.

In that regard, it is just completely absurd.

And, now, of course, I just really want to get laid. Haha.

[trademark]

Sad to hear about the news man

Having been in similar situations, I think a lot of it is that it gets tougher and tougher to end a relationship the longer it goes.. So while you probably didn't do anything horrible, it was probably just the realization for her that you weren't quite what she had in mind for the rest of her life.... which probably isn't all that comforting for you, but certainly better than hearing about it AFTER proposing to her.

And I'm with Liss.. It's probably just too awkward to deal with being around you if you two had been in a relationship for so long.. It probably isn't anything personal and I honestly doubt it was some switch she flipped. People just have different ways of dealing with breakups and honestly I'm a lot like her in how I dealt with mine.

On the plus side it sounds like you're getting the rest of your life into gear so that's good :] I can't say I relate to the liberal arts thing as a career, but it is definitely something that is preferred (maybe too strong a word, but you get the idea) even in the medical field, because as you said it is likely to produce a more well-rounded person in the end.

I know I don't visit here much but just letting you know I wish you the best of luck :]

[Liss]

Originally Posted by trademark

I can't say I relate to the liberal arts thing as a career

Because you are Asian. No, seriously.

[heX]

....liss with her racism again.

[Plain Old Jane]

Originally Posted by Mike

But, anyway, you can really only laugh about it. There's certain bits of it that are so ridiculous and so absurd, yet so incredibly mundane. It's difficult to get the whole situation without knowing both of us, because we weren't like .... those irritating huggy/kissy people, but we just has a solid, strong relationship throughout college... so when I tell people she dumped me, they're like blown away... with justification, it's a total shift in direction for her.

Been there, shortly after i disappeared two years ago (big college yay!) i dated a girl named Dina for a bit over a year before she broke up with me. Her reason: I changed.
Of coursed i changed because of a certain life desicion that may or may not have to do with vaginas. regardless. It seems very unfair, after all, shes the one that convinced me to stop taking mah meds. So when i became a different person, whose accountable for that? Her? Im not shallow. I'm an adult.(I think) So is it my fault. Well yea. It made me dislike myself for giving up something i thought was important for someone i thought was more important. Unfortantly, I became less important to her. And as a result of my gambit, i was alone and clearly not in a good state of mind. I did some dumb things... like hallucinagens. Went a lil nuts, and came to a semester later with a .5 lowwer GPA. It sucks, these adult relationships suck. I suppose it makes little difference to say that "make sure it doesnt happen to you" because too often its a lesson one needs to learn themself.

And In conclusion:

Originally Posted by heX

I <3 cocks

I fixxed your post, hex

[Mike]

I generally like adult relationships, it's when the adults act like children that it really gets on my nerves.

It's been four months, we haven't spoken more than a passing word to each other on the occassion that I see her at the bar or out running or something. Dating again is different... although I've been pretty active, had some good dates, hooked up with the right people (and in one or two cases, the wrong person) and I've had a great time since we've split up. Dating is a lot of fun because it is something that you, more or less, have a lot of control over in most situations. At the same time, Christmas was lonely this year, but I expected that.

And yeah, POJ, it seems like our situations are pretty similar. With the few exceptions that I haven't had any sexual operations, I don't consider myself a different gender than I did in the past, I'm not homosexual/homogendered/transgendered/transexual, I'm not on medications, and I didn't take hallucinagenic drugs when we split up. But other than that, to a tee.

[Liss]

I like my adult relationship and I love my boyfriend, but I do really miss dating a lot of the time, probably only because it's a long distance relationship, but possibly because I'm only 22 and the commitment scares me.

[Mike]

Call me.